Saturday, August 30, 2008

Uhm Yeah.

Heyyy guys!

Life's good when I'm busy. No time for anything. Lots to tell you but no time. Only running 22k tomorrow, but biking and working too.
My sister's going away to University Monday! Yay for her. I'm making her a picture for her wall with my new favourite quote. I think I'm going to have a 'life related' quote of the day from now on. Don't count on it though...

I'll probably update a little later (i.e. tomorrow).

Those of you running the Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront Marathon/Half Marathon or 5k CONTACT ME! I want to arrange a blogger meet up and it looks like the weeks leading up are going to be ridiculously crazy. (It'll be good though! SoOoOo Excited about school!)

So yeah I'm still alive. Off to get my transition bags ready...


P.S. Check out the link for "New Balance Sneakers by New Balance Harrison" in the corner of my blog! They make a killer product!

Saturday, August 23, 2008

On Life, Running, Goals and the Olympics

So, first an update on this letting go bit: It sucks. I'm being bombarded with feelings and issues that I don't want to ever deal with and I'm pretty close to a breaking point. It's verrryyy hard being 'happy' some days when all I want to do is curl up into a ball and sleep forever. But that's not productive or going to help at all. I'm being brave. And I'm not like her. I do have a best friend who's pretty good at helping distract me though. I just want it to be over.

That's all I'm saying about that for awhile.

Now, onto the running stuff.

1) I'm tired, and ready to taper. I'm also not sure I want to do a marathon. Holy man guys, it's in like 35 days. The 'what if's' are already starting. No fun. I only have 2 more long runs until taper time, so I'm gonna make the most of them. I also need to pick out my bra top soon. Woohoo.

2) I cannot find the charger for my Garmin anywhere. I'm starting to get bothered. I wonder if I can order one on e-bay or something. It's the cradle part I'm missing, not the thing that plugs into the wall. Boo. I'm borrowing my mothers until I find mine.

3) Canada kicked ass in the men's triathalon. It was intense and amazing and I loved it. Seriously. The last 10 minutes when Simon Whitfeild fell behind and then kicked it about 200m from the end, apparently too soon because Fronando came out of nowhere!! Intense, I tell you, just intense.

So, my goals for this week:

1) Catch up with your blogs.
2) Spend the day with mom on Tuesday. It's been awhile since we've had one of those days.
3) Not breakdown
4) Run 5 times, once to Oakville! (but I will start closer)
5) Ride my bike to Oakville or downtown Toronto. Either works, just depends on my mood/time...

These blogs are getting shorter and shorter. Just over a week until school starts! I can't wait!!!:)

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

And now we return...

to our regularly scheduled programming.

I'm thinking that it's time to update you guys on the stuff you really care about: Running. and biking. and all things athletic.

Excuse my poor spelling, lack of punctuation and all that other good jazz. (it's late).
And since it's late, I'm going to do it all in the form of bullets.

  • Running has been okay. Tough run Sunday. 32k. Sat down infront of the fire station and was wondering what the heck I was doing, running this far.
  • Today, was going to run 25, hop on bus and get to my clinic. I was running to Oakville. The run was very good. I felt relatively strong, despite some serious GI issues (I think my body is just tired.) It, however, was not the 25km I had originally planned it to be...It was 31km. So...yeah. I was wayyy off time. And to top that off, I stopped more than 4 times to use the washroom (not going to go into details, but think of your classics and I had 'em). Then stopped 2 more times while waiting for the bus. (I'm starting to think that it was more what my mother is suffering with, rather than GI issues. They still haven't gone away....
  • I was in a bike crash the other day. I was riding to work, down one of the main roads, and I was thinking that I was going to ride to work all the way on the road. I was less than a mile from my house when the curb turns into a right hand turn lane. I, being the road smart rider I am, stayed riding on the line. And then people started passing me from every which way. I'm talking going into the turn lane, and coming back infront of me...

    Then the light turned red, and I stopped but couldn't get my foot out of the trap pedal. And my bike and I fell into the right hand turn lane. I'm greatful that the car behind me (oncoming) wasn't on a cell phone, because I might've been toast.

    Now, I've said before, if I ever fell off my bike, I was going to never get back on it. But I fell of my bike in the middle of the road, got up, and finished riding (albeit veryyyy slowly on sidewalks) to work.

    I was lucky, and escaped with only a bloody ankle, road rash on my legs and a verrryy sore arm (because you know how it is when you're falling, you put your arm out to break your fall).

So those are my big stories. I'll catch up soon guys.
So much to read, so little time!

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Letting Go

Recently, I wrote down some goals.
And then I looked at them.
And then I changed them.
And stressed over them.
And freaked out when people looked at them.
And truthfully just wanted to rip them up and forget about them.

I wasn't sure exactly why this was a big deal, but evidently it was a huge deal for me. Thinking about them made me want to cry, and talking about them put me on edge. I've decided that it's because I'm:

a) afraid of failure
b) Ridiculously goal oriented, so choosing the important once was almost impossible.
c) a person that thinks wayyyy too much. (This is something that you guys know about me. Heck, my colleagues, family, running buddies, even the mailman knows that I overthink things. I think it's borderline OCD)

But one day when I was talking to my manager about goals, she suggested that I stop thinking and go with my gut. Guess what I did on that lunch break? I finished my goals. Completed. Done. Boyyy was it a relief.

And then, guess what I did? I started thinking some more. Yeah. Surprised? I knew it. The goals I was having trouble with weren't the health or career goals, it was the personal goals. Some of these goals included having a healthy relationship with my mom and not being resentful of her illness, inspiring groups of vulnerable children by telling them my story instead of having it follow me around like a shadow (which someday I'll get brave enough to post here), but I realized that in order to do this, I have to let go.

I was recently talking to a good friend of mine, and she was telling me how her dad is still holding onto things from when he was very young, and that now at like 70, he's just getting over it. Can you imagine carrying that heavy of a load with you for 60 years?? I don't want to be that old and just finally realizing that I could've let it go a long time ago, and lived a happier life if I had done so.

Now, I wouldn't be telling the truth if I told you that I wasn't scared out of my wits here. I don't know if I have a plan here. I think I'm going to start decompartmentalizing things. This has been my defense mechanism for such a long time, so it's not going to be easy.

Last week when I got that bad news (That I'm still not saying because I don't want it to be real) I got a taste of what it was like to not micro-manage my thoughts. I also got a taste of what it's like to feel things that I don't want to feel. The thing about this, is that it hasn't gone away. So, what I'm doing is I'm going to do is just feel it and let it go (And cry if I have to, because I'm stronger than she is).

I think, though, that this is easier said than done. We're talking 8 years of stuff in the life box that I haven't wanted to deal with. So this is why I'm putting it out there. It's half the battle, right? I'm going to have integrity, and let it go. I'm on my way to (hopefully) leaving a legacy.

I have so much more to say on this, but this is all my mind can handle for now. I would, however, like to thank you, my blogger buddies, for listening to, and accepting this part of me. It really does make a big difference to know that people around the world who I haven't met are pulling for me. You've all made a difference in my life.

And to my friends that read this, thanks to you to. Love you guys.

Still to come: My first bike accident, and the other goals I speak of in here.


*and breathe. Hit Publish*

Monday, August 11, 2008

8 on the...10th. RR

Before I post this, I would just like to thank you guys for your kind words and support on my last post. Things’ll be okay eventually!<3

Hello! Welcome to the Summer Olympic Games, held right here in Bejing, China. My name is Shu Lee, and I will be your host for this race report. Some very exciting events happened as we added a new event to this years Olympics, so stay tuned for a very new athletes crazy antics.

We have a new event here in the Summer Olympic Games. Here in the Chinese culture, the number eight is considered a very lucky number. In fact, many Chinese women have decided to have their babies induced, as much as three or four months early so there children will be born on 08-08-08. The brand new event we have added, suggested by Nancy, is an eight mile race.
Last week, over 2,500 athletes checked into Olympic Village, hoping to acclimatize their bodies to the altitude, and the thick layer of pollution sitting over the town.

One of those who couldn’t make it to China for the games, was Ontario’s own Tiger L. However, her story is one for the books, so we’re going to spend a little bit about her.

Tiger’s journey began just 1.5 short years ago, when her dad told her she wouldn’t run a marathon. She qualified for the just 3 weeks ago, on her birthday, with her split in a 16km race. The race itself was not fantastic, but when she found out that she qualified for this fantastic event, she was so disappointed when she couldn’t make it. She had other commitments, such as school, and work (Dagnamit)

However, to celebrate the event, she decided she would run her eight miles in her home town of Toronto Ontario. Unfortunately, an injury overtook her, and she was forced to do the two days late, on August 10th.

Leaving her house at a time of exactly 8:08am, she was ready to do this eight mile race! She had her fuel belt filled with water, a bunch of sour keys in her pocket, her I-pod fully charged with a killer play list of songs including some ABBA and other classics. The one thing Tiger did not have was her Garmin, so she relied on the likes of her ipod, noting the time she started and the time she finished.

She ran the first 2 miles by herself, finally meeting up with her pacer Super Dano! (pacers were allowed in this event, right?) , and the whole 8 miles, they flew along at a good clip. The run was done in 1:18. After the 8 miles were done, Tiger split up with her pacer and ran the remaining miles in the 17 she had on tap for this weekends marathon schedule.

What fun! I can’t wait for the triathlon, slalom kayaking and synchronized swimming!!!
Just a side note: After this run, (since I had my running buddy) I was calm and relieved. It’s amazing what you can figure out on a long run. Seriously.

Canada is going to kick butt.:)

Thursday, August 07, 2008


So, I debated posting this.
But then I decided that you, my running blogger family (note: This does not include the people who are blood related to me), get to see the true, authentic Tiger (who totally apologizes for being pretty negative lately).

The way my brain works is different from a lot of peoples.
I can work, and take out a box that says work and think about work.
I can run and take out a box that says run and then think about running.
I can take out a box that says boys and then think about boys.
I can take out a box that says friends, family, sleep, leisure, school, whatever.

There's one box that I have avoided taking out, at all costs, in fear of what it might bring me.
This box contains everything that I run from. Everything that hurts me even just a little, goes in this box.

I got some bad news the other day. I'm not going to write down or say outloud what it is, because it's going to make it real, and right now it's not real.

That was the last straw, I guess. I think that this box has overfilled, and is spilling over into my other boxes.

So now, I can work, but I'll think about the things that bother me.
I don't ususally cry...but I cried the other day (*Gasp*). I guess it wouldn't have been so bad if I was allllllll by myself in my bed, or with my best friend, but it wasn't. It's difficult for me to grasp, really. I haven't cried since October (because of something other than running) so now whenever I think I feel like crying (which sucks, cause I see crying as a sign of weakness and I'm so not weak).

So I don't really know what to do. I know that as long as I'm talking to people and keeping myself occupied (i.e. talking, listening, running) I'm ok. As soon as I'm folding pants or something like that, it goes downhilll.

I guess I just gotta keep myself busy. This is foreign ground guys. Im so far away from Okay.
I guess it's time to face what I've been hiding from, but HOW do I do it without letting it interfere with my life. It's getting reallly hard to pretend I'm the same happy perky person to the people around me.

You guys must've had some sort of experience...?

Sunday, August 03, 2008

7 Things

Well, it's amazing what 7 complete days of no running does to a girl.

I said I was going to read blogs, and I was going to read about running, I was going to talk about running, and it was all going to be fine.

But it wasn't.

Monday I decided I I read a little bit about running (Devoured the Non Runners Marathon Guide for Women--book report to come. That is if I can remember how to write a book's been too longg). I didn't get through Chi Running, not because it was a bad book, but because I wanted to be trying it all so much, I thought I'd better save it for when I could start running again.

I did pilates on Tuesday. Very good workout. Sore for 2 days after, but it wasn't the same kind of endorphins.

By Wednesday, I was loosing my words and tripping over things. The mood swings also began this day. One second I was chipper and happy, raving about something, and the next second I was ready to bite someones head off. It was like a massive case of PMS. Today I went to the running store and got new shoes. I also had to send my clinic off. That sucked. Realllyyyyy sucked.

Thursday was worse. I had to still go to my clinic and watch my friends run. And talk to them being all perky about running. When I sent them off, and was watching them run their hills, I wanted to cry (but remember, I don't cry). My parents went away this day, for the whole weekend, which was good, because if they hadn't gone away, I'd probably be in the dog house for being such a not nice person.

Friday was not memorable. I don't remember Friday at all.

Saturday it allllll hit rock bottom. It was a really bad day. It wasn't supposed to be, in theory, a bad day, but it ended up being awful! I was so excited about a breakfast, but I couldn't shut my damn mind up. It was so frustrating. I managed to make it through the breakfast without starting off into Space or anything, but I don't think I contributed much either. Then I had 2 hours to waste before I had to work. The book I finished writing suggested journalling. So I got a book, and some pretty pens and decided that I was going to journal about my running, just as Dawn Dias had.
I started to journal about running. And then that turned into a bunch of negative background thoughts I had...and it sucked. It was ridiculous. Retarded. I was in an emotional blur. Numb. No feeling. Everything I completely avoid thinking about was brought out of the woodwork and was going to make me think about it. Usually I can say, 'SHUTUP! I'm Running!' or 'I'm working' or 'I'm eating/sleeping/showering' etc, but it wasn't working...
And I was supposed to go to work and be happy. That was the toughest day ever.
I went to meet my best friend at Walmart after. I felt a little better, then came home and watched Nanny Diaries (happy, light, fun, not serious, good distraction).

This morning, I didn't go to run club (i.e. this no running thing was getting to me and it would have made me want to jump into on coming traffic or something. Ok. Maybe not that extreme, but it might have made me want to eat myself into a coma. Not that I'm the kind of person that just eats to make herself feel better. But I needed to runnnnnn...

Instead, I went to a movie, and ate a lot. (not quite to the level of a coma, but pretty close)
Step Brothers is not a movie I recommend.
And I didn't gain a pound this week. That's a good thing.

Today marks the seventh day of not running.
Seven Things I learned about myself:

  1. I'm an addict. Plain and simple. I need my endorphins.
  2. I'm good at running away from things
  3. I like reading about running...most times
  4. I get jealous of people who run when I can't.
  5. My mood can change on a dime
  6. Injuries suck and my body isn't very good at negotiating.
    The following is an actual snippet from a conversation that actually took place between me and my body:
    Tiger: Okay, body, how bout we go for a bike ride. I'll stick the side roads, keep in nice and flat, I just need to be moving.
    Body: How about we don't.
    Tiger: I'm the boss, you're not.
    Body: Ok, fine you wanna play like that? I'm going to send seering pains up your leg. How do you like that?
    Tiger: I guess. your the boss (Defeated)
  7. I want to run tomorrow.

Not very interesting things, but not running totally effects everything I do. Man... I feel sorry for my parents when I have to taper for my upcoming marathon...

On a positive note: all my workout clothes are clean. And I'm going for an easy 6 mile run tomorrow.

I'm backkkkkkkkkkkkkk:)

TiGrrrr (Rawr)

Speaking of Tigers (or Lions) Michjoy had a video on her blog about lions and human and love. Don't know how to put a video in my blog, therefor, I'll give you the link to it on Youtube!

Friday, August 01, 2008

What if...?

Tomorrow you woke up with amnesia, and you didn't remember who you were or what you were doing?
Would you still be doing the same thing you are now?

Post your reply in the comments section...
I'll think about it and let you guys know by Monday.

...See what not running does?
It uh, makes you go philisophical.