Thursday, August 07, 2008

Tears.

So, I debated posting this.
But then I decided that you, my running blogger family (note: This does not include the people who are blood related to me), get to see the true, authentic Tiger (who totally apologizes for being pretty negative lately).

The way my brain works is different from a lot of peoples.
I can work, and take out a box that says work and think about work.
I can run and take out a box that says run and then think about running.
I can take out a box that says boys and then think about boys.
I can take out a box that says friends, family, sleep, leisure, school, whatever.

There's one box that I have avoided taking out, at all costs, in fear of what it might bring me.
This box contains everything that I run from. Everything that hurts me even just a little, goes in this box.

I got some bad news the other day. I'm not going to write down or say outloud what it is, because it's going to make it real, and right now it's not real.

That was the last straw, I guess. I think that this box has overfilled, and is spilling over into my other boxes.

So now, I can work, but I'll think about the things that bother me.
I don't ususally cry...but I cried the other day (*Gasp*). I guess it wouldn't have been so bad if I was allllllll by myself in my bed, or with my best friend, but it wasn't. It's difficult for me to grasp, really. I haven't cried since October (because of something other than running) so now whenever I think I feel like crying (which sucks, cause I see crying as a sign of weakness and I'm so not weak).

So I don't really know what to do. I know that as long as I'm talking to people and keeping myself occupied (i.e. talking, listening, running) I'm ok. As soon as I'm folding pants or something like that, it goes downhilll.

I guess I just gotta keep myself busy. This is foreign ground guys. Im so far away from Okay.
Booo:(
I guess it's time to face what I've been hiding from, but HOW do I do it without letting it interfere with my life. It's getting reallly hard to pretend I'm the same happy perky person to the people around me.

You guys must've had some sort of experience...?

9 Comments:

At 9:09 PM , Blogger Marci said...

Tiger,
I don't know you or what your bad news is, but the best thing you can do is reach out to people who know and care about you. Take care of yourself, and hang in there.

 
At 9:40 PM , Blogger teacherwoman said...

Hun, You shouldn't have to pretend to be anyone. Be who you are. I agree with what everything Marci said above. *hugs* fo reals.

 
At 5:22 AM , Blogger Wes said...

Life is a blend of good things and bad things. I don't think compartmentalizing it is a good idea. Everything fits into the puzzle that is Tigrrrr.

What I find that helps is skipping all the worrying and agonizing and hurt and just get to determining the worst possible scenarios. Then see what really matters and go from there.

{hugs} :-)

 
At 7:15 AM , Blogger Tanya said...

Tiger, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time. And crying isn't a sign of weakness-it's a sign of being human and having feelings. If it helps to cry, then cry. I hope you have a good, close friend you can talk to, it helps a lot. Hang in there, keep your friends close, keep running.

 
At 6:52 PM , Blogger Michelle J said...

Tiger, my running friend, i've gone through so much shit and you know what? I always come out the other side stronger and better than before. I just lost a good friend of mine due to really stupid shit and i now realize that its for the best, i am better than that, and i will not stoop down to anybody's pettiness or bullshit!!!

Whatever it is that is bothering you, try to work through and seek help if you need it. Talking to a friend or writing things down here helps too!!!

Be well and strong!!

 
At 7:44 PM , Blogger Jess said...

Sorry you're having a tough time right now, but eventually whatever it is that's hurting you will pass. I know it doesn't seem like that now, but you're strong and you'll discover that you have the strength to shoulder your burdens instead of allowing them to weigh you down.

Chin up :)

 
At 2:54 PM , Blogger Lily on the Road said...

Oh girlfriend,

Please know that you have a ton of us who would be there for you in a heartbeat. No one should ever walk alone.

Please take great care of yourself, life is never an easy path, you just need to know that one step in any direction can change where you are headed...

email me if you care to....

Your friend in life,

 
At 6:07 PM , Blogger Danielle said...

There are lots of us who appreciate the genuiness and authenticness of your emotions. Thank you.

 
At 10:00 AM , Blogger P.O.M. said...

Sometimes the easiest thing to do when bad things happen is try to cover it and mask it. BUT it will keep coming back until you deal with it. Let the tears come, let the pain hurt. Feel the emotions. Then they will eventually fade and things will be ok again.

 

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