Sometimes I Surprise Myself
Over the past 2 weeks...
- I cooked a turkey.For real. I'm the kind of girl that burns Kraft Dinner and Grilled Cheese, but I cooked a freaking turkey. And carrots. And apple and pumpkin pie.
- I put oil in my car. Before this, I didn't know where the oil was supposed to go.
- I organized and followed through with a booth at the Goodlife Toronto Marathon.
- I learned that I can plan and plan and plan but sometimes there are curveballs and you just have to roll with the punches.
- That being said, I rolled with the punches (and spent 5hrs at Kinkos) and figured things out.
- I drove in Downtown Toronto
- I went in to the hospital to visit my mom (after a few days of not going in)
- I drove on the highway. When there were cars on the road.
Among many many other things. And now I'm a nurse. Ha
The half marathon on sunday doesn't seem so daunting anymore.
Tigrrr
Niagara Falls International Marathon
I just signed up for the niagara falls international half marathon.
On not a
pinch of training.
I'll also be running in new shoes.
I dont know about you, but to me this reaks of a bad idea.
But it might kick my bum into gear!!
Tomorrow I'm cooking a turkey.
I burnt Kraft Dinner the other day.
That is all.
Mediocrity
Ok friends.
I know it's been awhile. Infact, I'm not even sure if i posted after I went to Lake Placid and didn't sign up for Ironman. If I didn't...well then I owe you another post. This post I present you with today really doesn't have much to do with running. Or maybe nothing at all. But it's important to me to share it with you and since you guys are my blog family, and will still love me even when i don't post as much as I should, you can deal with it.
Things have been really hard for me. I decided not to go back to school. I'm working full-time. I'm not running. I'm making changes and doing things that are really hard but are going to affect my life for the better, and even though it really sucks I'm still doing them.
But I think I get stuck there. I get stuck in this place where nothing else really matters. I wake up, and I go to work. And I love my job. I mean, I love, love, love my job. I work with the best people and can go in on the verge of tears and I leave smiling and ok. But I want to grow and learn and when I am not fully present it's really really difficult.
Running for me is just more time to think, and that is really the last thing that I need. And it's frustrating. Because I love it. And I know I do. But it just doesn't make me feel as good because I'm so distracted. There are some pretty crazy, difficult, life changing things going on in my life right now and I'm stuck there.
So, here I am. I am committing myself to greatness. I will not let myself get stuck in my head. In the places that it doesn't do me any good. I know it's not going to be easy, but I am destined to do amazing things. The things that bother me now and keep me stuck will no longer dictate my life. I will run, and I will enjoy it. I will inspire people.
Who I am being is courgaeous, and the possibility that I am creating is the possibility of freedom, happiness and greatness.
Thanks for reading.
Perhaps a running related post for you soon?
A long Overdue Update
Good news...Life is busy!
And it's kinda the exciting kind of busy. Not the stressful busy, it's the ok, kinda sorta figuring things out staying completely distracted until nighttime busy. And I'm enjoying it.
What I'm not enjoying is the part where I lay down at night and everything that I've been avoiding all day. And then I end up sitting there worrying about it until morning. I have some pretty amazing friends who put up with my blackberry messenger messages anywhere between 1-4am. I'm slowly coming up with a plan for this, BUT I'm pretty worried about starting it. And I'm not ready to say anything else about it. So we'll leave it at that. You can make up your own ideas, or try typing into the random magic GO Bar I have, but that's all you're getting:)
This weekend coming up is the weekend before my birthday. So I took Saturday off, and I'm going out Saturday night. i'm spending the day getting all beautiful (hair done, new outfit, and new shoes). Coming home to make jello shooters, and then pre-drinking. THEN I'm going out to a pub and having a good time. And I'm going to forget alll of my responsibilities for one night. I think I deserve that!
The following week is pretty busy...I have to get my bike repaired. Member when I fell off it?? WELL now the gears don't work. So I'm going into gears on Monday. Working the rest of the week, and working a boxing day type sale on Friday in Oakville. People who live in my area..come out. It's called midnight madness. And apparently they close down the streets and bbq corn and stuff. Party.
Saturday I'm taking a "beginner bike class". They teach you how to clip in, about proper gear selection and group ride ettiquette. Then you go on a ride. It's about time I guess.
The following weekend...I go to Lake Placid. To sign up for Ironman. Woahhh I still can`t get over that. I`m crazy or something. And it makes me a little naseous to think about it. But once I drop 700$ canadian on the thing, I`m pretty sure I`m gonna be super intense at training and I`ll be super fit within like 2 months and then I`ll do an amazing ironman and do so well that they invite me to do kona and i become a pro. Or I atleast finish. Hey, a girl can dream, right
Oh, and I`m now a licensed driver. Don`t worry, I won`t have my own car for a few months. As in like 20 months. Or 28. Or something. No roadtrips for me.
But I want to drive to Florida when I get my own car. Or texas. or Arizona. Or...Ohio. Or somewhere. Theres this chicken finger place in Ohio...they sell only Chicken fingers. Yeah. I would drive there just for chicken fingers. My favourite food.
If I do Ironman, does that mean I cant have chicken fingers...
I had a really good goal coacching and have some very exciting things in progress. I`m baccck home now. And I`m happier. Things aren`t different but I have thicker skin.
And that`s about it. I have pics but they is all on my crackberry. So You`ll have to wait. `
I`m going to catch up with you guys now.
Does anyone know how to make a `google reader`
Smile.Laugh.Breathe.Tiger
Postponed construction
So, I know I said I was going to work on this blog in terms of making it look pretty. Unfortunately, though, it seems as though it has taken a back seat. For a few reasons. Basically, though, you'll have to deal with the random "go bar' as I'm not even at home, and have to fight for the computer.
Here's a recap of the last 2 weeks.
*Got in a huge fight with the road. YEAH...the road won. I was okay, but my bike to one serious beating. So, I'm going to learn how to ride my bike when I get back to Toronto (my dad wouldn't let me bring it because I'm not so good at it). That is, of course, after I get it fixed. The back tire fell off, and the gears are not working properly. The bike shop is going to loveeee me.
* Got no sleep. I hate nighttime. With a passion. I studied a lot of exams. It kept me distracted and my mind busy. It was great. Then exams were over and I got punched in the stomach by life. I'm so thankful for the amazing people in my life.
*came to kingston!! I'm staying at my Aunt's house again. I love it. It's so relaxed and no stress. Pretty amazing if you ask me. I'm working at the lululemon down here! It's so different, but so much fun!! I wasn't worried about coming to meet the people down here, lulu's are the same everywhere. It's like "friends by association"...which is relieving! However, Kingston transit might as well not even exist. The buses don't run past 5:30pm to go to where my Aunt lives...
*Am seriously weighing options about school next year. I didn't do very well. one thing that became incredibly clear is the fact that I suck at multiple choice exams. I can throw everything back up at you, but if you give me four very similar options, I'll average about 33% on the exam. which is not what I do! I'm good at school. I also realized I'm pretty darn good at papers, getting an A on my paper in coaching class. so, i need to be in a program where I write papers. Possible options include:
- Working full time and taking Health and Society courses part-time. That way I don't have to rely on government assistance to pay for school and I'm still able take courses towards my degree. I have already accepted that it's going to take me longer to finish school then most people.
- Take a full year off school. Focus on gaining upper body strength. Work full-time and apply for the Humber college firefighting program.
- Go to school full-time in Health and Society. It's a program where you write papers and stuff. If my GPA is high enough maybe try to get back into kinesiology the next year, but maybe just stay in HESO.
To be honest, I'm not too concerned. It was quite the year. I'm not deciding until August, and i've got my whole life ahead of me to figure all this out.
As for training, I'm running a lot again. My legs are coming back, my fitness is coming back, my fitness is coming back. My whole plan was to ride alot while I was in Kingston, but in order to ride I would've had to bring my bike. I'll focus on what fitness I can get right now, and I'll be doing the k-town triathlon in August. Just one more reason to come back to Kingston! There's water, boats, nice people and comparitively clean air. Fantastic.
So that's about it. ;). any suggestions on what i should do with school, or training would be greatly appreciated
Tigrrr
under construction
I need a fresh start.
In more ways than one.
Good place to start? Why the blog of course. Anybody have any solutions to the issues on screen (random "GO" bar) let me know!
Bear with me for awhile. I have to make this iron thing official
Second Guessing
I need your honest opinions.
Seriously. If you don't think it's a good idea for me to do it, then let me know. Please. I was going to write..."If you don't think I
can do it, please let me know"...but I know I can do it. I just don't know if I should.
I'm talking about the Peterborough Half Ironman.
Here's my Logic:
- Race is coming, Training is not: Biked outside 2 times, 90 minutes on trainer once a week. Outside is so much harder. Swimming--haven't been in the pool since February, if we're being completely honest. A couple of reasons too. The big one is that it's the hardest place for me to breathe. As for running, I'm not even in peak running fitness.
- It's so expensive: Well maybe not expensive compared to ironman, but I get to go to school for an extra 2 months...and buy bus passes and stuff. And I can't work as much as I was planning on it. And I have to save money to get to lake placid (well gas for the car...lodging is already paid for). And it's $125.
- I don't know why I used numbers: because I only had two points. I am going to go to Kingston in June. For 3 weeks. 3 weeks of perfect training time. If I can get myself into reasonable shape, then I can spend my time doing long rides and long runs and long swims. It's the perfect area and place. I love it.
But I don't know. My reason behind doing the peterborough half was to have a little confidence going into lake placid to sign up. (BECAUSE I WILL SIGN UP!). Maybe I could do an olympic in August. Do some fake halfs in December. Then
And I'm thinking--I wouldn't have gone into my first half marathon just winging it. I trained hard. For months. And I don't feel like this is something I should wing. I have papers due. (One 10 pg), 4 more midterms, 8 labs, and then finals. Plus I work, and am running a run club out of the store. Yeah.
The other thing I could do is train like I'm going to do it, and then sign up a few weeks in advance if I feel ready. That's totally not commiting, but this way if I don't think I'm ready, then I can back out and not loose anything. I don't think there is a cap on the race, and you can register race weekend for an extra 15$.
In Other News:
Em's army is running their first half marathon next weekend. I have two girls that are going to rock it and bring it in under two hours and I have another two who are going to rock it in about 2:30. I'll be running with them, and enjoying the race. I will also be winging this race. I did a 16k on Monday, and I'm doing one today as well. I'll be able to finish...The girls will be making race reports for you to read after the race. Wait until you see the shirts we have for this year! I'm soo excited!
In More News:
"You have, at this very moment, everything you need to deal with whatever life decides to throw at you"--Brian Tracey.
Sorta what gets me through my days. Yep.
So let me know what you're thinking about the half iron. Honestly. And I don't care if you tell me what I dont want to hear. And I promise not to hate you for it if you do. Just so you know.
I'll catch up soon!
Tigerr
Stayin' Alive
I've been searching for the time to write a post for the last little while. I've missed you guys. In the process, I've learned
a lot about myself. Infact, over the course of a sleepless, unproductive Sunday night, a roundtrip bus ride to and from school, a run and half a jar of peanut butter, I declared that I had the whole world figured out.
Well, maybe not the whole world, but my world.
Glass Half Empty or Half Full?It all started one day last week, when the lovely Reluctant Runner left a comment on my last post, mentioning that there always seems to be optimism in my post, no matter what the circumstances. So I did this crazy thing, and went back to read a bunch of my posts. I read about the times that I made all these crazy goals and plans, and it was neat to see how excited I was. And after I was excited for an hour or two, I got sad. I missed that old version of Tiger.
Then of course, I had a really bad morning at home with my mom and other life stuff. There were two things that happened...one was good, the other not so good. The good thing is that it got me on the road to thinking about life and stuff. The bad thing was that lately I've been really bad at being the
strong and fake Tiger everyone is used to seeing, so people caught on that I was eons away from being okay.
Saturday night, I'm not going to lie to you, I took gravol and went to bed. Quite simply. I wanted my mind to shut off, and I wanted to get in a good nights sleep. And it worked perfectly. My plan was to do the same thing on Sunday night.
A Sleepless Sunday:It didn't happen. Another reasonably okay day, but things in my mind weren't okay. I couldn't stop thinking. Things that were on my mind included:
- Home stuff--I'm not going to say much more on that based on the people that could possibly be reading this, but it was a big one, and there were lots and lots of things involved in it.
- School stuff--possibly switching programs to Health and Society which is still somewhat related to Kinesiology and bringing my marks up...If I enjoy it, I might just stay in health and society and if i don't, I'll go back into kinesiology. I was thinking about dropping out all together, but I've already put so much money into this education, I'm coming out with a degree. I feel very much like I need to rebel against the institution that is University.
- Disappointments: I was pretty upset after I didn't run Around The Bay, even though I couldn't have physically done it. There were also a bunch of little insignificant things that seemed to have a huge impact on me.
- Fear: Who was I becoming?! This isn't the me that I know. This isn't something I do. What if i fail? What if they don't love me? What if I don't pull myself out of this? What if I'm never that person again. There were others that I again won't go into because of the people that are reading.
So, I dunno, 3am came around. What was I to do? There are people who I could've called, or text messaged, but I decided not to, and turned, in my messy,boogery state to my notebook...
What a Coincidence:
I pulled out the notebook from the course I had been doing from November to February. It was a Landmark Seminar Series called "Excellence in the Zone". We worked on living with integrity, turning complaints into possibility, seeing the best in people, all that good jazz.
There were complaints I had crossed off, replays of the scary conversations about inauthenticities (some that didn't go as well as I had hoped they would) and the sharing that had me shaken up for so long. After all that was the possibilities I had created and was excited about and the breakthroughs I had made. The things that were written down that I would never have had the courage to put on paper, let alone tell other people.
I then thought about what was different then than is different now. Circumstantially (if that's a word), nothing was different. What was different was that before, I was a person who was living in the moment, in the possibility and sharing it with other people, leaving them touched, moved and inspired. Recentely, I was being an ordinary person who let circumstances define who she was being. That's not the kind of person I wanted to be.
I looked at the commitment I had made. The commitment to living my life in the moment, with the intention on fufilling each possibility, and sent out a few e-mails, cleaning up some integrity, and recreating that possibility. It was incredible to see what a few words can do, and now I know that they have my back, and will call me out on it if I'm not living my life in excellence.
Proactivity
I was once having coffee with a incredible person, a week before my last landmark seminar. I had created this possibility the Saturday before about being connected. We were chatting and things came up that normally would have been uncomfortable and I just would have said that everything was fine.
We were chatting about family, and relationships and I actually spoke about the battle with depression that the person I love most in the world is going through. She said she thinks its genetic, but that you have to be proactive, rather than reactive when dealing with something like that.
It's amazing what people have to offer when you actually put yourself out there and let people in, when you connect with them.
I've looked at things that I need to do with my life in order to be proactive.
- Deal With It: I really didn't enjoy it when the pop bottle got shook soo many times any couldn't function for a few weeks. If you don't put a lid on the pop bottle, then there is never going to be enough pressure inside of it to explode.
- Set Goals: I get really excited when I set goals. Life just looks a little different, perhaps brighter. I love the challenge of someone telling me that I can't do something, and then proving them wrong. I love the milestones. I love solving problems. I love making progress. I have to re-look at my goals and then share them. When the inspirations gone, you gotta have someone to keep you accountable, right? Wanna hear a big one right now?! I'm still doing the Peterborough Half Iron, and ran 16km on Sunday, and am swimming tomorrow morning at 8am!!! I'm going to do it!!
- Exercise: I struggled to exercise over the last little while, with school being rough and breathing being rough (read: another trip to the hospital...in the acute department) but I'm back. I figure sooo much out when I'm running. The rythmic motion is incredibly theraputic.
- Friends: (and alcohol) fix everything, atleast temporarily. The text messages or phone calls or emails or just all in all support from friends is incredible. They make you learn stuff, they make you smile, and alcohol is fun for a little while (and when it wears off its fine as well if you do it right). I have a few people in my life who are my rock (which is pretty cool, considering I am the rock)
- Write this Blog and read yours: You guys are so motivating and inspiring to me. I love reading about what you're doing, and the challenges you're facing. I love reading about what you want to do next, and your goals. I love it when I can offer my two sense or just a few words of encouragement. On the other hand, I also love it that I can come here and go all crazy and write out these crazy goals and share that part of my life with you (that some other people in my life don't necessarily get.) I love that I can come here and pour my little heart out into a blog and that you guys still read. It means a lot, and it helps alot.
- What Comes Next: That same wise person once told me that people get stuck on the "what if's", and you can't get stuck. Write down all the "what if's" and then write down what you would do if these things actually happened. It's such an interesting concept, because half the time these things aren't as bad as we think they are!
The Summary, Incase You Didn't Read All That:
It's Okay to not be okay sometimes. People aren't going to hate you. You just gotta roll with the punches. It's amazing what kind of support you'll get if you let people in.
I feel like I've grown up
Conclusion
So that's Tiger coming back from her blogging hiatus, knowing herself a little bit better. I would love it if someone could tell me how to work google reader so that I can read them off my phone...I'd love it! (Can you comment from there too???)
School is still crazy, but I am making a commitment to you to post once a week. I'll have lots to talk about with Half Ironman Training, and the Mississauga Marathon coming up.
Thanks for bearing with me...
Tiger!
Looking Up...
Friends, I know I haven't been around a lot.
A bad blogger if you will. I
know you deserve better. But we all know how life gets sometimes so I'll hope you forgive me.
Things have been rough lately. They included emergency surgery, failing two of the four exams, several not so good runs, my quarterly nervous breakdown and my little sister getting the flu on her birthday and getting her first experience with an IV. She was not impressed.
The way that I look at myself is like a pop bottle. If you keep shaking the pop bottle, eventually it's going to explode. Mine shattered into a bzillion peices the other night, and now I'm constructing a bigger and stronger bottle. But I might leave the lid on a little loose this time. The silly thing is that what triggered the bottle was something incredibly silly. But like I said, it just takes a little shake. I stayed home the next day, I didn't feel like I could handle school, and I basically did nothing the whole day.
I'm starting to feel a little better. I find that I get myself into these little ditches and once I realize it, it's only a matter of time before I get myself out. I like to be proactive rather than reactive, and put myself into situations that I know I'll be okay. I find that writing and music helps. And running. And distractions. Thats another thing--I haven't been distracted enough recently.
The running has been inconsistent and hard. My biking has been the same. I was going to get back in the pool yesterday but my sister took my bathing suit 3hrs away with her. I was not impressed, especially since I missed my pilates class while looking for it.
It's down to crunch time. 12 weeks to half ironman. It's a Gale Bernhardt plan. I'll do it. I'm young and strong and determined. If you are doubtful, please pretend that you think I can do it. :) I find out the results of my test next Thursday. It might be as simple as a freaking allergy pill...Yahoo. I'll take what I can get though...!!
60/30...hahahha. Maybe in April. It's going to a good distraction...I feel like that plan was doomed from the beginning--not because I can't do it, because I totally can, but because I didn't take into account life and what it was going to throw at me/ all the homework and stuff I have to do. I ALREADY have midterms--and I've only been at school for 3 weeks!!! Seriously, what the heck. Oh well.
And I have some plans for June--I'm going to transfer stores, and work at the one in Kingston. Just for June. That way I can take my break, ride my bike to work everyday, go swimming and running, have my own little mini training camp and spend time with my favorite Auntie and take a break from life, which I need.
I'm going to take an official hiatus from blogging. I'll still be around lurking and commenting on your blogs. You can add me to facebook
here. I'll still be on that with random thoughts from time to time.
Miss me while I'm gone. I'll be back soon!
Until we meet again,
Tiger
15 minutes and a wandering mind.
Once again, in a time crunch to post a blog. And my mind is going NUTS so I need to write it all down.
Things are looking up.
I was super convinced that this test was going to fix me. Apparently my perspective keepers were on vacation because its not the test that fixes you, it's what happens after you see you doctor after the test.
So now I wait for an appointment.
The test wasn't
that scary.
First things first: There were no needles.
Well, she pulls out this gianormous needle. It was the size of like, my hand.
And then she forgets to tell me that it's just to measure her solution. Then we did breathing tests by itself. After that, we did breathing tests after breathing in saline for 2 minutes. Then after that, I had to breathe in some substance, called methacoline, with each dose getting stronger and stronger to see how the breathing changed. Once I got up to 2 (mg)things started getting rough, and they went up to 16....
And it was super tight, and sucked to breathe. Sorta like everyday at work.
Then, they get me on a treadmill for like 7 minutes, at 7mph at a
12% incline. Seriously. Wtf.
After that, and some ventolin, I get to go...to work.
So I get on the bus and the subway (and I'm completely exhausted and shaking like a leaf.
And I get to work and apparently someone should have called me because they didnt want me there.
And I was too tired to fight, so I waited for my dad to come get me and slept the rest of the night.
The next morning, much to my dismay, I wasnt fixed. Saturday at work, I still couldnt breathe.
Same thing with yesterday.
And I started to get frustrated but my perspective keepers got back from vacation.
It's out of my hands now. All I can do is wait. Seriously. The people I am blessed with in my life are fantabulous. It's so annoying for me, so I'm sure it must be 100 x more annoying for them. But theyy dont show it!
Sunday I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
I was
miserable due to the hour less sleep, but as soon as I got out of my house and to work, things looked up, and I ended up having a wicked day.
Today, things are looking good.
I made my own lunch (but am having breakfast at the bagel place at school) and will be going for a run, and doing some sit-ups and push-ups when I get home.
And then going straight to bed. These days are going to be long!!!!
60 in 30 starts today!!!!More details to come at the coffee shop after my run tonight (because I have to wait for my dad!)K, time for class.
I'll be reading your blogs at 7:15pm. :) I'm so excited!!!
Love,
Tigerr
