So, since my landmark course, life has been a big learning curve. In more ways than one. This weekend I saw my Grade 7 best friend, and it felt like I had seen her a week earlier. It was nice. I went to a birthday party last night and wasn't feeling 100%. And still decided to drink WAY more than I should have. Let's just say it didn't turn out positively, and its a good thing my friend had bathrooms on every floor.
Today I cleaned my room. And I found many many things that reminded me of 'that place' I had papers and binders of things I had planned.
I'm the kind of person who puts her whole entire heart and soul into everything she does. When I saw these things, I broke. And cried. And then through it all out. Everything. Except for my one binder that I had the Expo planning in.
And then I threw it out! And I wanted to even burn it!!! And it was empowering!
I'm moving forward. Everyday it gets easier. Tomorrow I'm going to high park, and going to run. Its one of my favourite places to run, but to be honest, I've been avoiding it. I've been afraid of the feelings that would come up, and of running into people.
so here it goes. I'm continuing to be amazing. And it feels great.
I'm not going to be "JUST FINE". I am JUST FINE. Wait, I'm actually amazing.
I started work on Monday. I was under the impression that this new beginning stuff would magically erase the lingering lululemon sadness. I spent most of the day comparing and contrasting everything. Not a good idea. I ended up leaving at the end of the day, and crying myself into an uncomfortable sleep.
Mind you, I think alot of this has to do with the fact that I was SO far beyond exhausted, between working at Chuck E Cheese all day, and then going to pick friends up at the airport, and worrying about not getting up in time.
It's amazing what a difference a day can make. I woke up yesterday, and had stopped comparing, and got really into the things I was learning. I was still being "OLD Tiger," if you will. Worried about things I had no control over, worrying what everyone thought of me, all that stuff.
Then i woke up this morning, and a friend (check out her blog, she's pretty incredible) had changed her BBM name to "Happiness starts now, live in the moment," and I got it again. Instead of having a list of things I needed to get done today, I just did what felt right. I'll be going to work in about 15 minutes, but thats all I really had to do. I'd like to get a boxing class in at midnight, but am not going to freak out if I don't.
it's freeing to just be able to do what I want.
On a Running Note, I'll be Running the Mississauga Half Marathon in a bra top. For really reals this time. I'm still going to get it from lululemon because there I can't imagine running in anything else. I may just have to order it online. I'm going to California in September, and will be running a marathon in October in Prince Edward County. It's also going to be very easy, and safe for me to commute to work via bicycle.
To Audience: Hi! My name is Tiger and I am a runner-holic.
Audience Replies: HI TIGER!
To Audience: IT all started when running was a challenge, and so was breathing. I made an attempt to run everyday, and ended up out of breath after the end of the block. Now after more than a year of serious running, a half marathon, and being inhaler free for almost a year, I am training for the 30k Around the bay, Mississauga Half Marathon--the rest is a mystery.
As a full time University student in Kinesiology, and the oldest of 6 children, the ways I keep my sanity is simple: Hitting the Roads in the morning, evening or afternoon for a run. Simply: I am Addicted To Endorphins
